This summer

This poem I wrote about a boy I met at work, he and I became really close. and, well, read the poem and it will all make sense....

The first day I see you, you look confused.
I say hi, want to make you feel comfortable.
But I’m afraid, we don’t match.
You are a skater, and I’m just some girl.

Time goes by, I get to know you.
Your smile is kind, your personality too.
The weeks fly by, we talk every day.
We share about our lives, I’m your angel you say.

It’s been months, you’re my best friend.
We share money, and responsibilities till the end.
Time is still ticking, we are still friends
We talk about everything, most important your girlfriend.

Tick tick tick, I fall for you harder.
Your eyes light up when you smile, I fall farther.
You touch me, I feel a spark.
I try to sleep, but you have left a mark.

Summer is rounding an end, we decide to hang out.
You take my hand, around me your arms stretch out.
I feel your warmth, cuddle close to your side.
I feel perfect, the eternities wide.

The night draws to an end, neither of us stir.
On my cheek your lips touch, the world is a blur.
You bring your lips to mine, nothing to regret.
This moment lasts forever, I never forget.

The summer is over no time to talk, life is a whirl.
I’m busy with school, you’re with your girl.
We text a few times, at least keep in touch.
Slowly I know, you are pulling away despite my clutch.

Months after summer, I miss you so much.
I remember that night, remember your touch.
We try to hang out, but no timing is right.
You talk about your girl, I hide the pain with all my might.

Long into school now, different and new.
I miss who you were, who I was with you.
We find time to talk, you tell me you love her.
I’m falling apart, my heart is no longer.

I knew it was stupid, I shouldn’t have gone there.
You talked of her every day, I knew I didn’t compare.
She was what you wanted, I never could be.
There is a whole in my chest, where my heart should be.

I remember the summer, the talking the laugher.
I see your face, smiling everyday after.
I remember what we had, I feel so sad.
My heart is in pieces, the size of sand.

I close my eyes, the memories win.
I feel the warmth of you next to me, the heat of your skin.
I’m in your arms, we are as one.
I open my eyes, and the memory’s gone.

We talk once again, I struggle through it.
You’ve found true love, and you knew it.
I flash back to the look, that day she stomped on your heart.
I’m happy for you I say, as the tears start.

We no longer hang out, we barely talk.
The friendship, the crush, hangs on the stalks.
We were good together, but we could never.
I miss you now, more than I ever.

This is the last time I see you, I’m so confused.
My best friend, my first kiss, we were so comfortable.
But I’m afraid, we just don’t match.
You are a skater, and I’m just some girl.

After a while

Well it's been a while. infact, it has been my first walking out on a job, my first tubing experience, my first kiss, my first boyfriend, breaking up with my first boyfriend, two school dances, half of senior year, lots of decisions about colleges, and a whole slew of drama in between. It has been a real mess; what a senior year!!!

I don't really know what to say now, I just figured I should maybe write something on here seeing as it's been so long. Well, I will let you get back to doing whatever you were doing. Bu bye!

All girls DESERVE their Edward Cullen

so there is this group on facebook that is "tough luck, edward cullen isn't real" and it kind of buggs me. not the group itself, but more inparticularly what this one kid said, he said something to the effect of "I heard some girls talking about how they will settle for nothing less then their own edward cullen. well guess what, no guy is like that" that bugs me because he is wrong. Every girl has the right to her "own edward cullen". see, for me, it's not that edward is perfect that makes him amazing (besides, if you really read the books, he is NOT perfect), it's his unconditional love for bella. And every girl has the right to only settle for someone who can and does love her that unconditionally! all of the people that have poseted on the wall said that edward isn't real and he just takes away all the nice guys chances. well that's wrong too, becaus guess what! if the guys in this world would suck it up and show a girl that they loved and cared about them, THEY WOULDGET THE GIRL!!!! and I think that if all of those "nice guys" aren't up to the chanllenge that the FICTIONAL character Edward Cullen provides, if they can't just love a girl for who she is and show it, then obviously, they aren't worth it and they should step up instead of joining stupid groups just to bash a FICTIONAL competition. For me at least, it's not that edward is perfect and all that, it's how he loves. and yes, I will not settle for anyone who loves me less then the way that stephenie meyer portrays edwards love in "Twilight", because I know that I DESERVE that unconditional love. Every girl deserves that love. and anyone who says that any girl should lower her expectations anymore than that is a fool and a whimp. Girls shouldn't have to lower their deserved expectiontions of love, the guys should step up.

Blue Hair

So the two people that actually see this page already know that I dyed my hair blue. But if anyone else happens to stumble across my page this is my explaination: On Saturday July 26, 2008, I dyed my hair a matalic blue, as you can see in the picture (assuming it actually loads). I did it on a sort of whim. Me and one of my best friends were babysitting and the subject of dying our hair outrageous colors came up and we followed through with it. Other than that, there is no explaination as to why we did this other than to express our teenage rebellion. Neither of our parents knew that we did this until after the matter, luckily, what with our expertly created defences of "Mom, at least I didn't come home with a tattoo, peircing, or pregnant. And this will washout in 3-5 weeks, so you see, it's not that bad", they didn't freak out as bad as we thought they would. and, two days later, we both still have our lives.

Egged Car?

If anyone else has the missfortune to be the victim of a savage car egging this is the best way to get it off.
1. get to it as soon as possible
2. Remove all egg shell that you can so that it doesn't scrach your car.
3. mix a 1-1 ratio of water and vinegar, soak rags in the mixture, and apply it to the area, let it sit 15 or so minutes.
4. wipe/scrub the egg off your car
Usually the egg will have eaten through your car's paint, depending on how long it was there along with other factors, but there's not much you can do about that.
So there you go, I hope it never happens to you, it's not fun and makes your hands smell really bad, but if it should, now you know how to remove it.

Fairy Tales

Why can’t stories have a happy ending? Why doesn’t the girl always find an amazing guy, fall in love, and live happily ever after? Why is it that that is rarely the case? I guess that not every girl gets her happy ending; look at the evil step sisters, they didn’t get the man. Fairy Tales lead you to believe that if you try hard, are the good girl, that you will get the amazing guy; they lie. When does that ever work? When does the good girl get the guy in the real story? If she is truly the good girl, when things go wrong, or when other duties demand, when other things are more important than true love, she will give it up. If she were the good girl that tales lead you to believe are the ones that get the man, she would put everything before love. She would not be selfish and demand that the love be carried out, but she would recognize that the other things are more important than her happiness, her true love. So how does the good girl get the man? Things will never work out for her. But she can’t be the rude, evil one; she knows it’s not right. So where does that leave her? She cares for those around her, but also her own happiness, so which one wins out in the end? Not everyone gets what they want, hardly anyone actually. Who wants misery? Failure? To be incomplete? No one. Maybe that’s the point, you never get what you want. There’s a reason why it’s a fairy tale, it’s not true. But does that mean that the ending isn’t true either? That the happy ending isn’t even achievable for those whose lives aren’t written with care in ink? How can that be true? How can there never be a happy ending? When you are faced with love and doing the things you know are right what do you do? But isn’t happiness also right? Happiness is selfishness; but why can’t it be right? Why is choosing something that makes you happy always defined as being selfish?

Cancer

I wrapped my arms around the blond teenager, then pulled away. His face, which normally looks so much like a mans, now resembled a lost little boys. His brow was furrowed and his cheeks tear stained. His eyes were bright red, I was sure he hadn’t slept for a couple of days.
"I just don’t understand it." he said as the tears started again. I pulled him back to me trying to comfort him but not knowing how.
This boy had been my friend for a couple months now. We talked everyday and had become really close friends. We told each other everything, and today he had just told me the worst news in the world- he has cancer.
"I’ve known for a couple weeks, but it was confirmed today." he had told me before tears had started rolling down his cheeks.
I stood there strong, supporting him, saying that I’m there for him; but the truth was, I was weaker than ever. I didn’t know what to do or what to say, I didn’t know how to make things better.
Truth was, nothing would make this better.

I wrote this right after finding out that one of my best friends has cancer. Him telling me didn't happen exactly like I wrote here, but this is how it came to me. Originally I was going to have a happy ending to it, but then I decided that that last line was a good ending, and honestly, I didn't know how my character's situation was going to end.

Short Stories

Well, along with poems, I also like to write short stories and things. So same thing aplies with my short stories as it does with my poems, if they show up here a lot, it's cause I like them and think that they tell more about who I am then if I were to just write some random thing.

New school year

A new school year.

The new school year approaches,
It’s supposed to be exciting,
It’s supposed to be fun.
Why isn’t it?
The homework,
The pressure,
The kids that judge your every move.
You know that if you don’t do one thing just right,
You will fail, and loose your future.
Take this class,
Take that,
That class is full.
They yell at you from every direction,
Your not sure where to go.
Must school be this hard?
Must no one be of any real help?
Why is everything so complicated?
So frustrating?

This one is kind of obvious I think. Summer was coming to a close and I was getting anxious about school starting again.

A memory dead

A Memory Dead

What happens to a memory dead?

Does it disinigrate
like paper in a fire?
Or linger like a stench-
never leaving the room?
Does it sink to the bottom
like a heavy stone thrown in a lake?
Or reemerge-
Like a moldy log traveling down a river?

Maybe it just fades
like smoke into the air.

Or does it burst?

This one, again for english. We were supposed to copy the format for the poem "A dream defered". At the time that I wrote this I was going through a lot of friend changes, and in this poem I was questioning if all the memories I had of my former friends would stay with me or if in time, I would just forget.

Why?

Why?

Hurt and pain haunt me.
Rage and anger fill my soul.
Sorrow and grief tare at my tattered heart.
Things are so dank. Things are so dark.
Why is this happening? What’s going on?
None of this makes sense, I feel so small.
People are dying, people are dead.
Agony, anger and dread.
People are crying, people are calling.
No one is listening, no one is looking, no one cares.
The world is dying, wasting away.
Watch as the people are pulling away.
No one together, no one talks.
People hide in their own packed tight flocks.
Why do they separate? Why don’t they share.
Afraid they will hurt, afraid no one will care.
Why make a sound, why speak your mind?
In a world full of people, why is it no one combines?
People are mean, people make fun.
People say hurtful and painful puns.
Why let them see you? Why show your face?
If people were nicer, not so evil and spiteful
The world would be one. The people united.
The world would live, the world would love.
However. People aren’t nicer, their angry and rude.
That’s why the world winces in pain.
That’s why my hart is torn and tattered.
That’s why I’m haunted with hurt and pain.

This one I wrote in 9th grade. I was kind of questioning why it is that people are so distant and far away.

Poems

By the way, I am a total poem person. I love writing and reading poetry. I feel that through poetry I can really express my thoughts and feelings. So if a lot of these blog entries end up being poems I've written, and they most likely will, that's why.

My Dream...

When you wish apon a star, makes no difference who you are, anything your heart desires will come to you. - Disney

My dream...
I want to go to school, get an education
I want to graduate and teach
I want to help others to love that which I love

I wish to marry an amazing man
I wish to have beautiful kids
I wish to live, forever happy

I dream to touch a heart
I dream to change a life
I dream to make a difference

I will change the world

This is a poem I wrote about my "American Dream" for an assignment in school. The Disney quote is there because for the assignment I needed a bridge and I thought it fit nicely.

All about me.

Well, I am offically a senior! I want to be a Math teacher, I know I'm a freak, but that's ok. I want to go to Washington State University next year, but I'm not sure if that is really going to happen. I have two older brothers, the oldest is in Brazil and comes home tomorrow, and the next is in North Carolina on his LDS mission. I have a couple of good, close friends whom I love with all my heart and would do anything for. I also have an unconditional love for my family, not only my immediat fammily, but all my aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. I've made my share of mistakes, but I try to fix those things and make everything right again, especially where friends and family are concerned. And...I think that's everything.

first

All right, well this is my first blog thing here, so be patiant with me; we all have to start somewhere right? Well, I'm not really sure what to say, so I guess I'm gonna end this now. Bye all.